There was a dream once that was Colorado. It’s mostly unspoken – it’s more feeling and intuition and mysticism than it is anything articulated in a book or conversation. It was more the never-ending feeling that at any moment you could be on top of a mountain, with endless room to run and be free.Continue reading “On, Something”
Author Archives: regermatt
On Day 2
First off, thank you so much for all the reach outs, comments, texts, calls, and other means of connecting. It’s meant the world to me and really helped. I know it’s tough, but I am hoping by writing real things that it may help me and others. Onward! Scene: the clinic. I can feel itContinue reading “On Day 2”
On Day 1
Scene: the clinic, outside, in the parking lot. I can barely walk in. The gear grips me. Am I dying? Because my whole life is flashing before my eyes, or at least, the last 9 years of my life. I so desperately need and want something to make me believe in something good. FEEL somethingContinue reading “On Day 1”
On Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
I could barely even type those words. Honestly. Do you know how many times I’ve forced myself to abbreviate OCD in hopes that it might weaken it? That it may mean that it goes away? That it doesn’t actually exist? That maybe it’ll just hop out and say oh yes! You did it. This isContinue reading “On Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder”
On Battling the Devil Himself
That’s what it feels like. I know the phrase gets thrown around a lot, but OCD pushes your buttons like that. It feels like a void – an endless, visceral – but also blank, void of nothingness, but everythingness – obsession. Not the kind that Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan have – maybe a littleContinue reading “On Battling the Devil Himself”
On A New Path Forward
It’s been a while everyone! I’m glad to be back. Honestly, it took me the last 1-2 months to scrape up the courage to re-start/kickstart/reengage this blog. For some reason in late 2020/early 2021, I had thought it wasn’t necessary anymore. Kind of the trap where you lose all the weight, and then start eatingContinue reading “On A New Path Forward”
On 2020, Change, & Resilience
Hi all! Apologies there was a time gap since my last post…job application stress is real :). And, I was out in Crested Butte camping with the cows (above). 2020. The year of…something. Change, stress, pain, suffering, uncertainty, upheaval, distress, sadness, anxiety, and resiliency. As I write this, I still struggle to find the correctContinue reading “On 2020, Change, & Resilience”
On Mental Health & Therapy
When I first started therapy, I had a conversation with my therapist that surrounded a recent hip surgery I had gone through in the fall of 2018. I told her that I’m trying to – and hope others will as well – start seeing the rehabilitation of my brain as the same process for rehabilitatingContinue reading “On Mental Health & Therapy”
On Living
One of the first challenges I encountered when thinking about starting a blog on anxiety and my eating disorder was non-identification. A huge component of therapy and mental health practices is not identifying yourself with your emotions or mental health challenges…essentially, they don’t define you as a person. How then, do you write a veryContinue reading “On Living”
The Search for Gratitude 